Secrets of the Uterus - beginning of patriarchy

women were part of creation.
we painted our faces with our moonly blood,
offered freely from deep in our bodies to Mother Earth.
we painted our breasts with it.
our power flowed freely, as our blood did, without struggle.
we did not hold power to ourselves,
it was like ripe fruit falling from trees.
& when the blood did not come
it grew into a child & milk to feed the child.

the men could not offer blood so easily.
they did not bleed without danger.
their blood did not grow into children.
they began to hunt & sacrifice animal blood & eat animal flesh to try to
take the power of the animals to themselves.
they cut themselves to bleed in imitation of us women.
they began to pretend giving birth.
they made things & treated them better than the children.
we watched them, not wishing them such pain.
they began to do their magic in secret from us.
they said the blood they offered was real blood,
their god wanted no women’s blood.
their god wanted us to hide our blood as unclean & not worship near men.
we did not understand why blood that makes life & is given freely is bad
& blood made of death is good.

Menopausal Musings

I notice my reflection in the mirror. It has changed over the years, but especially in the last 5 years. The post-menopausal effects of less estrogen are revealing themselves.

My skin, my physical interface with the outer environment, is less elastic, a bit thinner, and more friable. Little “owies” seem to happen more easily. More skin tags, dark, rough liver spots and red petechiae dots form new constellations visible on the universe of my body. In the middle of my throat is one large, dark mole. Sometimes I notice people’s eyes wandering down to it as they talk with me.

The skin on my face begins to sag. Sometimes I pull it up with my fingers, along the angle of my jaw line, to see my younger look. This is why some women go for cosmetic surgery.

Then there are the dark circles under my eyes. They’ve been there for decades, after years of interrupted sleep as a mom, midwife, and then, insomniac. Yet I still keep hoping to find out how to help them diminish. I’ve taken rejuvenative herbs for my adrenals. I’ve cut out gluten. I’m sleeping better most nights now. My grandma did say we had gypsy blood and it might be a hereditary tendency. I’ve even been tempted by chemicalized cosmetics that swear that they reduce dark circles. When I applied some I noticed that it irritated. My eyes teared up. It was so unpleasant I couldn’t even continue it long enough to see if it worked. Still, I wonder if the more expensive version of the cream is better—but it is over $100 a jar.

Is aging a war to be fought or an adventure to be lived?

Secrets of the Uterus- Creativity Spiral

Isn't it time to change the name of the menstrual cycle? After all, menses is just part of the cycle. I think it should be called the Creativity Spiral. That's what it is if the connection with fertility and creativity is acknowledged.
When women celebrated their menses together, they often were in sync with each other, living in small intimate villages or tribes and having the same light waxing & waning by night—the Moon.

beginning of patriarchy

women were part of creation.
we painted our faces with our moonly blood offered freely from deep in our bodies to Mother Earth.
we painted our breasts with it.
our power flowed freely, as our blood did, without struggle.
we did not hold power to ourselves,
it was like ripe fruit falling from trees
& when the blood did not come
it grew into a child & milk to feed the child.

the men could not offer blood so easily.
they did not bleed without danger.
their blood did not grow into children.
they began to hunt & sacrifice animal blood & eat animal flesh to try to
take the power of the animals to themselves.
they cut themselves to bleed in imitation of us women.
they began to pretend giving birth.
they made things & treated them better than the children.
we watched them, not wishing them such pain.
they began to do their magic in secret from us.
they said the blood they offered was real blood,
their god wanted no women’s blood.
their god wanted us to hide our blood as unclean & not worship near men.
we did not understand why blood that makes life & is given freely is bad
& blood made of pain & death is good.

In Native American teachings a menstruating women had the potential to be more psychically and spiritually powerful than anyone else, male or female, at any other time.*Her Blood is Gold, p60 by Lara Owen
Today we live in a culture where power is rarely searched for in menses—or in other women’s mysteries. Advertisements for menstrual products promote the idea that menstruation should be hidden and at very best, ignored. The (male) Phys. Ed. teacher at a local high school refused to excuse girls from pe with their periods, even with notes from their mother. He thought that they should act as though nothing were different. Some medical practitioners even propose that since menses is bothersome it may be best to avoid it as much as possible . * Is Menstruation Obsolete?” by Elsimar M. Coutinho They argue that women might like the convenience of only having a bleed every few months instead of being moonly—which would require taking hormonal birth control more steadily than on usual birth control pill regimens.

Our hormonal balance affects every part of us—including our brains. Chemical contraception causes women to be stuck in a prolonged luteal phase or empty pregnancy so as to fool their bodies into not ovulating. Women who have used chemical contraception have missed out on the natural rhythms of ovulation and actual menses, and, in my view, are altering their consciousness along with their physical fertility.

A new view of our cycles
Instead of being disempowered by negative attitudes about menstruation, what if women learned about their creativity cycle and its potentials? What if the menses was seen as wiping the slate clean -- time of inward new moon darkness & chaos that begins & ends creativity? What if the follicular phase was called "ovary storming" (instead of "brain storming") -- time of new possibilities? What if ovulation was called the doorway of manifestation? And the luteal phase was called the trial of manifestation which leads to either the organized movement of creating life or the chaotic movement leading to wiping the slate clean again?
Why a "spiral"? Because a spiral is dynamic as well as repeating. Each time we bleed and ovulate it is new, yet built upon the past, like a spiral that progresses yet revisits the same degree of the circle. "Cycle" seems stagnant, going in circles. A spiral seems more feminine because it is open and growing. It's also an ancient goddess symbol.

Crone the Destroyer
Wise Goddess
Creatrix
Heal me of illness
Transform all my defects.
Make me moist ground for the Mother to till,
Growing & fruitful for doing Our Will.
Then I be Maid again
Fresh & anew
Flowering sweetly with bees & the dew.
Then to fall & be fruited,
To rot and be seed,
Born again, born again,
Riggidy jig.


Creativity is clearly not limited to giving birth. Fertility was the original value of reproductive spiraling when having more & more people increased the survival of individuals and species. Now, with overpopulation and stressed ecosystems, Nature calls for other ways of expressing our creativity; to provide for survival we must go beyond the instinctual programming to make more & more babies. Use of our creative energy by moving consciously through our creativity spiral- menstrual cycle- can allow this power to be harnessed in a way that supports Nature in this way.

Moving through the physical spiral of creativity .
Menses is the letting go time, spiraling inward energy of oneness by falling apart into chaos. It is when women bleed without dying. Often related to the new moon, it’s a dark time of giving death to dreams that have been unfulfilled or died, as I was taught by the wisewoman Won She’. It’s also the beginning of development of the egg follicles. Menses is the other side of giving birth, which is letting go of what was incubated, fed & protected until ready to be out in the world. It’s a time of cleansing for the body, best facilitated by resting as much as possible. Bloody, red discharge appears, as the lining of the uterus is shed. Some women find sexual energy here, creating pleasure, while some feel irritated by another being in their sacred space now.

The follicular phase is when egg follicles are “egged on” in their development, leading to the eventual ovulation of (usually) one of the follicles. In this phase the lining of the uterus is also growing full and ready to receive a hopefully fertilized egg and nurture its growth. Fertile mucous begins forming in the cervix to welcome and feed the sperm that might come. It’s springtime of the spiral, often with that same anticipation and excitement.

Ovulation is the outward spiral, expressing, where wholeness differentiates outward into individuality. The egg which shows the greatest promise bursts out of the ovary, surrounded by a “halo” of transluscent jelly & blood jam, and is drawn into the engorged fallopian tube where she awaits her beloved sperm for three or four days before being quickly swept by the cilia lining the tube into the uterus. Attracting a mate with sperm, to continue the species by creating a new individual is our instinctual programming. The instinct is to display & emphasize our reproductive capacity. The cervix is secreting sperm-friendly fertile mucous, and is more open for them to enter. The full moon is often associated with ovulation as the romantic light to find our mate. Some women feel sexual energy strongest now.

The luteal phase is about maintaining the lining of the uterus so a possible pregnancy can survive. If conception occurs, pregnancy starts here. If no fertilized ovum signals its presence, hormone levels eventually fall and allow the movement towards releasing the lining.

The premenstrual phase is the ebbing time in the hormonal picture—the transient menopause each month with quickly dropping estrogen & progesterone, when no baby is coming. If we’re out of balance this is a time when it shows up as physical and emotional complaints. See Arvigo Massage for information on physical care of the uterus. The spiral arteries of the uterine lining constrict, cutting off the blood supply to its surface. Cells begin to die without their fresh blood supply. Soon the next menses begins, shedding the outer layer of the lining, with blood and mucous.

Moving through the Creativity Spiral

It is the pulsation of these inward and outward energies that creates not only life but acts of creativity. By learning to follow this pulsation in our physical bodies through fertility awareness techniques, we can have power over our reproductive creativity—choosing pregnancy or not without interfering with our natural hormonal changes.

By noticing where we are in our physical spiral we can become familiar with the natural tendencies of our consciousness along our spiral. Then we can learn how to use them more fluently in all our creative endeavors. One way to experience this is to have some time alone each day when you are still and quiet, noting down what comes to you. It could be the minutes you spend while taking your basal body temperature for your fertility awareness charting. Some women have fertility awareness charts that include space for this along with the temperature and mucous findings. * See http://www.justisse.ca/ for more on fertility awareness

It is this learning through the spirals that can bring women to wisdom at menopause. Perhaps some reticence to enter fully into menopause relates to a lack of learning from the cycles and thus, a feeling of inadequacy be a wisewoman .

Menstrual consciousness is about going inward to stillness, where we hear the inner voice of intuition and imagination. Clarissa Pinkola Estes in Women Who Run With the Wolves suggests that menses consciousness can guide us both in letting go of what no longer serves (that unused endometrium) and holding space for new possibilities (those possible follicles). Resting at this time allows for more acute hearing, seeing, and sensing the intuitive message, the still small voice which some call God/dess. Quiet, contemplation, spaciousness, allowing, timelessness, absorption, envisioning are all descriptive of this energy.
To create this inner space you can try various strategies. Wear a special necklace, scarf or dress to show those close to you that you are drawing inward so they can support you by giving you space and supplying you with a warm cup of herbal tea or bringing you what you need. Rest more – whether it means taking off the first day from work as women are allowed to do in the supportive ayurvedic community at Maharishi International University in Iowa or just putting off doing what can wait that day to make it more spacious and easier. Eating moderately of soupy, well cooked foods lets the digestive system rest. Journal, dream, take soothing warm baths with lit candles, listen for your inner voice.

All this stuff of the world decays.
Even my dancing red toenails
need to be touched up regularly.
I have to keep throwing
all my experiences
onto the happy
compost heap of my heart.
There the stuff of it
returns to the essential elements
by rotting in the slow heat of renunciation.
The Master Gardener
forms & turns the pile to speed the process.
Then She plows the heart of Terra's existence
back into the earth,
fertilizing food that can truly satisfy
the starving masses of the Soul.


Follicular consciousness is a sense of movement forward, of growth, anticipation, of hopeful possibilities, not yet knowing exactly where things will go or how they will come about, but they are looking up. Ovary storming is a knowing of creative possibilities, like a poem being image-ined, rather than brainstorming (which is thinking). Have you felt the excitement of Maria getting ready for the dance in West Side Story- “Something’s coming, something good---“. This is an example of the feeling of follicular consciousness.


Spring Excitement
The myriad & many buds
On the verge of blossoming-
The crescendo of excitement
Just before orgasm
MMMMM

Ovulation consciousness is the culmination of the follicular consciousness when expression of the voluptuousness of creation is in full bloom, attracting the busy bee energy of pollination towards herself. It’s the urgency of “now” and a patient openness, while actively creating the conditions for union—the cervix doesn’t just open, she creates the fertile mucous that allows the sperm to live well and swim inward where they are wanted; the egg doesn’t just wait for a sperm to penetrate, she chooses which one she wants!
Because it is a more outward state it may be less likely you can sit still and meditate on it—so observe it as you are in motion. How do you reach for what you want? Do you open yourself enough? Do you create a nurturing, slippery highway for needed insemination of your egg to arrive on? Do you go out and howl at the full moon to let the world know you are ready for union?

seems like lately I gotta case of the spring time-
I dance to the birds singin, to
the slow-motion-sounds of the buds
bursting into green spring flags
& I too flap in the fresh new winds,
the sun shinings oozing into my skin
smiling.
can’t concentrate on nothing but feel feeling good,
lately the only think I’m good for is make makin’ love & po-e-try.


Luteal consciousness is when we hold out for the possibility of creation. We keep the space and the faith that something will come of our generative actions. It is a mystery whether this cycle will end in a physical creation or a letting go back to zero or oneness. We welcome what has been conceived of into a safe and nurturing inner space where it can grow its own way, without interference from others.
To tune into this, watch for how you nurture your creations – do you give your plans enough protection and time before bringing them out into the world or do you reject them too quickly (like a too-short luteal phase)? Do you create a juicy womb for your creations by giving yourself the necessary building blocks – mental, emotional, physical nutrients?

a dream of a poet

It is a fertile spring.
I throw words into a blank book & close it,
let them sprout in the dark,
water them with tears of joy & pain,
protect them from frosty critics.
They grow by themselves,
reaching towards the magic flute of the sun.
Some words are vegetables-
rooted in nutritious, wise minerals of the soil.
Some are fruity flowers-
in the night, beautiful women come & steal a few for their hair.
The rest of the flowers call bees for the humming fertilization,
fall withered from their passion,
and become pregnant with sweet offspring,
whose juice will drip down my chin in the autumn.


Premenstrual consciousness is when we begin letting go of what isn’t really happening. A time which can be an expression of grief—that creation didn’t get fulfilled. When we areattached strongly to that creation, we feel sad, angry, all those feelings of loss. This is the part we often want to skip, yet it is essential to live through it so we can go freely on to create something else, another time. No wonder some women are irritable now.
Notice if you are seeing life in terms of loss now—be it expressed as sadness or anger. Are there bigger or unfinished losses underlying the grief at the little, irritating losses that need more letting go?

Durga
Fierce Goddess
Invoked by the Gods to destroy
That-which-only-a-woman-can-destroy.
Eight arms & eight hands holding eight divine weapons
that She was born to use.
Riding a ferocious feline,
multiplying Herself
to meet her opponent’s numbers.
They are Demonic
When sliced & diced & even decapitated
their blood spawns more enemies.
She becomes the Dark Mother
Kali
To drink their blood before it touches ground
and breeds more evil.
Drunk with blood
She almost destroys Her own Beloved.
Only He can call Her back to Her Heart
To know that
Now
She has won.

So the spiral returns and gives us another opportunity to learn from our feminine creative energy. Explore it---this is merely my visioning of it. Find your own expressions, your own inner knowings, your words of wisdom to enrich womanhood and our world with the fruits of your creativity. Share. Blessings.

Female Troubles-#1- endometriosis

This morning I woke from a dream where I was teaching class on endometriosis. I was writing on a flip chart in red ink, adding details into the outline, crowding them in to fit.

Endo metri osis End of me trio sis

However you pronounce it, it doesn't sound good when you're given this diagnosis. OK, it's not cancer. You won't die from it but then at times you may wish you would, for the pain. It's a medical mystery how the lifegiving tissue lining the uterus decides to grow in other places. Theories, theories, theories--menstrual blood moving up and out the fallopian tubes, immune deficiencies allowing that retrograde flow to actually live in the wrong place, or some embryological defect that allowed uterine cells to stray to other parts of the body, laying in wait for puberty or xenoestrogens to activate them and cause their pain. There's some family tendency-whether hereditary or due to proximity????

This tissue responds to female hormonal cycles just as the uterine lining does-- expanding, proliferating with estrogen stimulation, juicing up for implantation of a fertilized egg with progesterone stim after ovulation , and then degenerating when the progesterone & estrogen drop, just before menstruation begins. But when the tissue lives in one's pelvic cavity, on the intestines, overies, bladder, muscles, even inside the muscles of the uterus, or, rarely, in far reaches of the body such as the nose, this useful cycling becomes painful. Swelling where it isn't meant to swell, usually with no way to exit, this hurts. It often also inhibits fertility.

Medical treatments are pain relievers,birth control pills, inducing artificial menopause, or scraping the endometrial tissue out surgically. None of these addresses any causes. They may give a window to try conceive a baby. Or a respite from pain.

Ayurveda looks at it as an inflammatory process. Fire in the gut. This can come from combinations of toxins, too many fiery foods, poor processing by the liver, a hereditary tendency towards it. This Pitta, as it's called, and toxins can be reduced by diet, herbs, and ayurvedic cleansings , while giving attention to emotional components. If the endo is long established or already extensive, surgical removal to knock it back might be indicated during treatment, followed by more ayurveda to prevent the usual regrowth.

Toxins-- how many are in the food we eat? Xenoestrogens are chemicals that hook into our bodies where estrogens usually connect, but have their own poisonous effects. Such chemicals are in plastics. (Do you microwave food in plastic containers or keep your drinking water in plastic?) They are in pesticides. (Do you buy or grow organic foods and use natural pest control in your yard and home?) Hormones are found in dairy products. (Do you avoid Bovine growth hormones by consuming only organic dairy products?)

And this gives us reason to be angry. Along with other reasons like being sexually abused. How many of us keep this anger inside, allowing it to pollute our minds and souls?

End of me trio sis

The trio of toxicity of body , mind and soul is a painful burden indeed. But it needn''t be the end of me--or you.

Secrets of the Uterus, part one-a croning

This very moment my uterus is shrinking. So slowly to be imperceptible, yet, yes. She is declining in her size. No longer fertile on a physical plane, her energy is becoming more subtle and fluid. The wisewoman nectar that is not lost in blood each month returns, instead, returns to enhance my ability to give birth to myself, be it through words, planting my garden, cooking for my family, or gentle, peaceful caress.

Sometimes this transformation heats me with its flame. The physical is slowly consumed and the subtle is expanding, billowing. Will it kill me? Will I eventually disappear in this blaze? Of course. Yet what a fire works display I might reveal in the meanwhile.

Create I must and carefully choose it--elsewise that nectar can as equally create a sour and bitter old lady, regretful of the past, depressed in the present and empty of future. Just as I chose to give birth or abort my physical babies I now must take responsibility for this creative power on an even deeper level. Yes, I must continue to choose.