Poem for the Winter Solstice

in the center of the sun it never sets.
there we are
vapor & glowing & boundariless.
I am thankful to remember this.

with the creation of solidity shadows play,
moons fill & empty,
distance & time measure beginnings & ends.
pleasure is born of nature & passes.
pain is born of human forgetfulness & passes.
I am thankful to know this.

in the center of the heart it never sets.
there we are
one
always & always & always.
I am thankful to remember this.

--Terra Rafael

Terra's Midwifery Story

I never knew anything about midwives except that they were victims of the witch burnings-- until I became pregnant at age 28. Up until than, I had had many interests -- natural health, yoga, belly dancing, astrology, feminism and poetry. I'd earned a BA in psychology before moving to Denver from my home state of Minnesota.

Being pregnant was a new experience -- and an unplanned one. I'd successfully used the ovulation method of birth control for over 4 years - and then my husband and I decided to use a condom during my fertile time and - pop! - my son was conceived! He really wanted to get here.

Terra pregnant with Julien, spring 1980

Being an avid reader I went to the best bookstore in Fort Collins, Colorado where we were living at the time. The first book I read was Immaculate Deception by Susanne Arms. It was an expose' on birth in the USA, comparing the "norm" with the possibility of homebirth with midwives. No way did I want to go into a hospital after reading that! (Since then I've realized that I also had a lot of unhealed feelings about the hospital from my own birth and my hospitalization at 4 years old for an appendectomy.)

I was at a loss as to how to go about doing a homebirth. I hadn't met anyone who had given birth that way (as far as I knew at the time - since then I found out both my parents were born at home, my mom being one of 5 breech babies my grandmother birthed at home). Then, while on another trip to the bookstore I saw a flyer for Informed Homebirth classes.

Gilles and I signed up for the classes and became ever more comfortable about having a homebirth. There were no practicing midwives in Fort Collins so the local midwifery study group attended -- a collective midwife. It was the uneventful and miraculous homebirth of Julien which convinced me for sure that midwifery was a righteous calling to service -- even though illegal in Colorado at that time.

We moved to Boulder, Colorado after Julien's birth. The midwifery group in Fort Collins was pessimistic about my chances of getting to apprentice in Boulder since there were already so many people studying midwifery there. In fact, the Boulder midwifery study group rejected me as a member because they didn't want any more "new" people joining. I began another study group which welcomed newcomers.
I became an Informed Homebirth teacher. Some students from the classes I taught asked me to their home births. At these births I met a practicing midwife who asked me if I wanted to be her apprentice. I was overjoyed!! It was what I'd prayed for!

Terra with Pregnant Ramona
So I began my apprenticeship with Ramona Ludwig. She'd trained at the Maternity Center in El Paso, Texas with the infamous Shari Daniels. I began attending prenatals, births and postpartums. I joined the Colorado Midwives Association and was a Board Member as political action chair. I attended on of the first meetings held to organize the Midwives Alliance of North America in Boulder, Fall,1983.

My apprenticeship was rudely interrupted after 1 year and about 30 births when my French born husband needed to return home. It was time for our family to live in France for a year. I thought I'd never complete my apprenticeship. And even worse, Ramona was due to have her own baby and my first chance to catch. At that time a wise friend told me - "Being a midwife is a state of mind. You can be a midwife no matter what you do. If you're supposed to catch babies, it will work out." Her words of wisdom carried me through my year in France and still nourish me.
On my return, it worked out for me to continue my apprenticeship with Ramona. She had another apprentice then too, Jennifer Braun. We took turns going to births and sometimes we both went. I became CMA secretary and member of the Board. I went to more births.

Ramona believed student midwives need to attend 100 births before practicing on their own. After about 50 births I felt ready to practice and left the apprenticeship. It was not an easy transition for me or Ramona, sorry to say. In any event, I will always honor Ramona for her dedication to helping women and the opportunity she gave me for learning midwifery. I have to admit, I see her wisdom in the 100 birth criteria -- I did seem to have a much higher comfort and confidence level once I'd been at that many births. Yet, I did begin my practice by always working with another midwife on each case so that we kept learning from each other.

In the ensuing years, I felt very strongly that a structured approach to apprenticeship could give more support to the apprentice and preceptor. I joined the CMA certification committee and, along with Jennifer Braun, Willy Fenske and Laine Gerritsen, I helped write the CMA Certification Procedure. It took many, many hours of meetings, and it was revised and improved upon as time went by. We were happy when it was recognized by MANA and went on to be adopted by several other states as their certification program, until NARM created national standards and processes.

During the years after I gave birth to Julien I was writing what was to become the book Pregnant Feelings - Developing Trust in Birth. I sent my original work to Rahima Baldwin, founder of Informed Homebirth (now largely inactive as an organization) and author of Special Delivery. She was the only published author I knew at the time! She was enthusiastic and her publishers wanted her to do another book, so we put our ideas together and created a great book for pregnant women on the psychological and emotional growth of pregnancy, birth and early parenting. (You can still get Pregnant Feelings through amazon.com)

Practicing as a midwife; being active in the CMA, serving on the Board as Education chair and then Co-President; teaching childbirth classes; speaking to different groups and on TV about midwifery; and writing about birth -- all eventually led me to create more educational opportunities for midwives.

It felt important to begin training more midwives to replace those who stopped practicing. Many women showed interest in midwifery and I would talk with them and give them ideas about what to study and do. Then I began teaching classes for these aspiring midwives in 1986. I developed what was to become the Birth Overview class. The first class I taught I also included the woman who was to be my first apprentice, Ursula Hessdorfer, who was a Registered Midwife practicing in Boulder until her death of cancer. Other midwives/apprentices who have taken this class include Flame Dineen, RM, Elizabeth Moore, CPM, Arlee McCleod, RM, Amy Colo CPM, Deanna Cowen, RM & Jennifer Dossett, CPM. Leigh Collector, who is a Birth Asst., also took this class.

Ursula, Terra & Willy with new home-born twins

My personal life had been going through changes -- divorce and single motherhood as a midwife were not easy. In 1987 I met my second husband, Charlie, and we both hoped to have a child together soon. My daughter Alana was conceived after I was at two marathon births, and then teaching an evening midwifery class. I was very tired yet this loving time was different -- I had a vision of fireworks, dolphins and the faces of two children. During pregnancy, Alana let me be the first one to hear her heartbeat and kept hiding from Ursula. She was born at home in July 1989. Another uneventful and miraculous birth. I put off calling the midwives until late because I wanted to be alone most of the time. It hurt more this time -- I was in my body more than when Julien was born. This time I felt all the glorious pain of opening up and squeezing through -- and the triumph of not suffering or fearing the pain.
Terra in labor, supported by friends


Alas, I was not as good at taking care of myself as taking care of others -- I didn't pace myself carefully enough after Alana was born. I forgot somehow that babies get more demanding after 6 months and had bunches of births that turned out to be extra difficult, including the first stillbirth that I attended. At the same time I was in psychotherapy remembering and healing childhood incest and other abuse. I had had digestive problems and diarrhea on and off for months and it didn't get better (this was before we’d heard of Irritable Bowel Syndrome). All of this plus breastfeeding led to one totally exhausted woman.

I had to recover, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I needed more energy for me. I quit practicing, turning over clients to other Boulder midwives. I resigned as Co-President of the CMA. I weaned Alana -- luckily she was already 14 months and had her eating teeth in.
I saw my acupuncturist frequently for herbs and acupuncture. I got Jin Shin treatments. I rested as much as I could with a toddler. Charlie supported me in every way possible. I continued my psychotherapy and attended Survivors of Incest Anonymous. I cried. I screamed. I hurt. I spent time looking at the sky. I touched the Earth. I prayed. I surrendered to God/dess.

My healing and transformation time had come. I scrutinized every aspect of my life and went into vast spaces of Spirit that renewed me body and soul. Comparing how I had been living and practicing midwifery with what I had said I believed about birth was part of my healing process. I saw that somehow the way I was practicing was not supporting me and my life.
I thought I might never be a midwife again. Sometimes I saw it as a way I'd kept too busy to see and feel my own feeling or deal with my painful past. I felt resentful of clients who didn't understand I was only too human. I believed other midwives thought I was a wimp for quitting. I began honoring myself as me rather than just as midwife, serving others. I let go of practicing midwifery.

My saving grace was that by letting go it allowed more Spirit to enter into my life and add another dimension to my living. I opened my midwifery practice again after hearing the call. I felt my way along slowly, to feel what and how my midwifery practice could be life enhancing for myself & my family, as well as my clients & apprentices. I was happy to find a way to practice in a different manner, that encouraged more trust in the process itself. I came to this through the trust & support of all the women I worked with, and the assistance of two midwifery teachers - Jeannine Parvati Baker & WonShe' - who shared & supported my own vision as I untwisted it from the snares of fear, my earlier way of looking at my experiences.

The apprentices who worked with me during this time - Margaret Rhodes, Flame Dineen & Delta Waters helped me along my path. Trust & love were amplified by my meditation teacher & spiritual mother. The amazing inner experiences I received with her guidance have strengthened my faith that every thing is ultimately alright and God is in everybody.
Flame, Lonnie & Terra after belly painting

While Margaret & Delta, and other short-term apprentices, moved on to other things, Flame successfully completed her apprenticeship & is now a Registered Midwife. I took an intern Olga Vermont, who went to school in Texas to gain experience & moved here to get more homebirth experience before returning to her home-of-choice in Moab, UT, where she practiced midwifery & now has gone on to nursing school. Elizabeth Moore got registered fall, 1998 & got her CPM in 2000.

One part of my midwifery teaching is the book Giving Birth to Ourselves, Contemplations for Midwives. It focuses on evaluating our work and lives as midwives; how and why we practice a certain way; and how much we nurture ourselves as well as others. Some of what I learned in my changing time has gone into that book. It’s available from me or lulu.com

Another time for a break came in 1998. I decided to stop before being exhausted or burned out and open up my possibilities again & see which way the Goddess wanted me to go. I become an Ayurvedic practitioner. The first program was completed Fall 1999 and I continued on with Alandi Ayurvedic Gurukula, which is based on the teacher/student relationship, a kind of apprenticeship, for further study & clinical experience. I graduated May, 2001.


In 2000, we formed a new midwifery organization in Colorado- Colorado Alliance of Independent Midwives (CAIM) to promote midwifery education & communication in our state. Having 2 different MW organizations was a new challenge, but some felt that the CMA was not including our voices in its decisions & directions.

Meanwhile I stopped birth practice entirely and opened my healing practice, Wisewomanhood, w/ Ayurveda , Maya Abdominal Massage, Reiki, and Flower remedies. My daughter was a young woman and my son well out of the nest. I have gotten divorced again, married again and have 3 step sons. Finally after all those new changes I am settled again in my new family and home, ready to focus on writing more.

Thank you, Jesus the Christ, Mother Mary, Gurumayi, Nityananda, Sarasvati, Laksmi, Kali, Durge, Great Spirit, Mother Earth, Medicine Buddha, all our relations on the earth and my Guardian Angel, Archangel Rafael. Thank you Gilles & Julien and Charlie & Alana. Thank you Victor & Evan, Josh, & Matt. Thank you Al & Dorothy, all my grandmothers & grandfathers and brothers and sisters. Thank you women who have allowed me to participate in the births of your children, naming me as midwife. Thank you Ramona, Willy, Jennifer, Jeni, Ursula, Jeannine, WonShe', Flame, Olga, Elizabeth, Emily, Emmy, Ann D, Sarasvati, Alakananda, Rosita, Miss Beatrice, Miss Hortense - all the midwives & healers who are my companions and teachers. Thank you aspiring midwives, for inspiring me. Thank you ONE & ALL.

My Books - New This Fall

Wondering what was keeping me busy all fall? I published AYURVEDA FOR THE CHILDBEARING YEAR in September. Now available from lulu.com - just search for my name or the title. It teaches about ayurveda basics, and how to use it to support menstrual, fertility, pregnancy, birth, labor and postpartum phases of women's lives.

Also I worked on my selections for FOOD AND WHAT FEEDS US by A Week's Worth of Women, being published right now, to be released at our Book Celebration, December 12, in Boulder, CO, available from the editor, Jyoti Wind-- jyotiwind@gmail.com or from me. It is full of nummy stories and recipes. Yumm!

Basic Self Care for Vata - excerpt from AYURVEDA FOR THE CHILDBEARING YEAR

The fall season is the time of Vata- the plant energy descends deep into the roots as the cool weather comes. Dry winds can come with the cold. The weather shifts quickly from cool to warm and back. It is emphasized in Vata climate of Colorado where I live-- Vata usually lasts here until the wet snows of February begin the spring.

Here is a primer on Vata and some ideas for self care when you have too much Vata in your body or mind.

Vata - Vata is dry, light, expansive, rough, cold,
changeable, subtle, and quick. Too much of these qualities
in someone's life can imbalance their Vata. Governing
motion, Vata rules neurological communications, movement
of food through the digestive system, urinary control, sexual
ejaculation, menstruation & childbirth. Its "seat", or place in
the body where it is more predominant, is the colon/pelvic
area. Fall & early winter are Vata times of year. Elder years
are Vata time of life. 3 am- sunrise and 2-3 pm - sunset are
Vata times of day. Vata is often more evident during pregnancy
and especially postpartum. (If pregnant, always check
to make sure any therapy you do is truly safe for pregnancyeverything
suggested in this chapter is considered safe for
pregnancy.) Vata can also be over stimulated by a lifestyle of
irregular eating & sleeping, and quickly arising situations.

Balanced expression: The body is functioning
smoothly; one feels life flowing. We feel alert, sensitive,
enthusiastic, spontaneous, and creative.


Excess expression: The body suffers constipation,
shakiness, cramps, gas, fatigue, or menstrual cramps before
bleeding. Emotionally, we feel overwhelmed, fearful,
forgetful, distracted, moody, or sleep irregularly.


What to do if imbalanced in Vata? We warm,
ground, contain, smooth, moisten, slow, and steady ourselves.
• Have regular, moderate exercise, in moderate
amounts, such as walking or hatha yoga
• Take warm, relaxing baths. Sip warm, vital
water frequently through out the day. Listen to a stream or a
fountain.
• Aromatherapy/incense - sandalwood, camphor,
wintergreen, musk
• Use music to the calm, nurture, ground yourself.
Avoid loud rock music or any loud noises.
• Calm your mind with gentle habits of reading,
meditating, praying. Avoid fearful, worrisome or
overwhelmed thinking. Avoid too much thinking or talking
or studying. Avoid excess stimulation by media & computers.
• Be settled. Avoid moving homes, jobs, etc.
too much. Do not travel too much, especially by airplane
• Have a routine- eat, sleep, BM at regular
times soothes the body and mind.
• Slow, gentle self massage with sesame or almond
oil, especially to feet, top of head, back, & abdomen
or get massage from someone else regularly.
• Have time alone. Avoid overworking & too
much socializing.
• Get regular sleep. Go to bed before 10 pm,
earlier if possible. Get enough sleep.
• Get the tastes that balance Vata- predominately
sweet, sour, & salty. Eat heavy, moist, & warm food
with digestive spices added. Avoid cold foods or beverages
and stimulants like caffeine, alcohol. ( a little beer or wine w/
meal OK occasionally) Avoid junk food & microwaved
food; avoid leftovers more than 12 hours old.
• Drink nourishing herbal infusions daily especially
oat straw.
• Eat mindfully – Sit down while eating. Before
eating sit quietly, breathe deeply, and give thanks. Chew
thoroughly.
• Use color therapy - most colors good -pastel
colors for sensitivity, avoiding lots of dark or heavy colorsor
gems -emerald, jade, peridot set in gold; yellow sapphire,
topaz & citrine & other yellow stones set in gold; ruby or
garnet can help circulation & energy- & gem elixirs to work
with the energy.

to buy a copy of Ayurveda for the Childbearing Year go to Lulu.com and search the title.
--Terra Rafael

Breast Health Basics--In Honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

In my private consultations and at the Women’s Self Care with Ayurveda and at the Woman Know Thyself! workshops I have seen the great relief and excitement that women feel when they learn more about breasts, how to care for them, and the range of what normal breasts look like. It’s amazing that in a culture where breasts are used so freely to sell things & titillate (!) we are taught so little about this part of our bodies. At the same time it’s no surprise, since nourishment is NOT what we are taught about in general or specifically regarding breasts. Sex & mothering are forever separated by a culture so influenced by the view that mothers aren’t sexy & sex should be boxed off from mothering - why was the mother of Jesus a Virgin??? But our bodies say otherwise - The very same hormone is instrumental in female orgasm, childbirth, and releasing the milk from a nursing mother’s breasts to feed her child. So we know that if the Virgin Mary gave birth & breastfed, she was also capable of orgasms. ( In Ayurveda , the woman orgasming is considered a part of a healthy conception.)

The breasts are mainly made up of fatty tissue and ducts which have the potential of milk production. They begin their development into milk makers during puberty, when the ducts & fatty tissue which protects them grow. But full & final development of the breasts does not happen until the hormonal dance of pregnancy & childbirth come to fruition in the birth of a child. At that point the breasts are finally mature and become stabilized in a cellular sense. This is why absence and disruptions of the reproductive process (including breastfeeding less than 1 year) increase the risk of breast cancer. Those cells are more easily confused by toxins, traumas, radiation & other initiators of cancer because they haven’t gotten to that stabilized place of having fully developed & functioned.

Ayurvedic care of the breasts includes understanding that milk production and breasts are through the agency of the rasa or plasma tissue level. This level is very changeable because it is the level fed directly by the digested food substance-it is greatly influenced by dietary intake. The breasts are ruled by the dosha of Kapha in general, being on the chest which is the home of Kapha, and also producing milk, which is a sweet, rich, nourishing Kapha substance. If the plasma is constantly out of balance, carrying excess Vata or Pitta then the breasts will easily become out of balance. If digestion is poor, aama or toxins will be circulating in the plasma. This can result in breast cysts, tenderness, tumors, or breastfeeding problems. So a basic Breast care principle is to eat properly and support healthy digestion ( as in the article on Protecting your digestive fire in a previous issue).

Another Breast care principle has to do with circulation in the breasts. Because plasma is so important to breasts it’s important to have good circulation, both to carry in nutrients and to prevent any stagnation from occurring which would allow toxins to build. Much of the body has muscles that massage the lymph system and general area to move things through-but the breasts are not covered by muscles. This leaves them vulnerable to stagnation. Wearing improper breast support can exacerbate this situation-it is readily apparent when breastfeeding. If you wear improper breast support during your lactation the milk can be trapped & stagnate, causing inflammation & infection. Similarly, an improperly fitting bra can allow for toxic buildups in certain areas of the breasts. Some research also indicates underwire bras may be contributory to breast cancer. Finding proper breast support is important for women who have large breasts to prevent discomfort and back problems . In some cultures other forms of support than bras have been used-cholis in India and someone told of fitted blouses that crossed between the breast, supporting them in the clothing itself. If you know more better support for women with large breasts please let me know so I can pass it on. Decent Exposures is a company that makes cotton bras to order and specializes in breastfeeding and big breasted women, check their website at www.decentexposures.com http://www.decentexposures.com

To overcome the lack of muscular massage of the breasts it is advisable for women to massage their breasts regularly. This can become a part of your morning routine or your bathing routine. Use some natural oil. For Vata or Kapha use sesame oil, for Pitta breasts use coconut oil or almond oil. You can add some ylang ylang essential oil if you tend towards inflammation of the breasts or just because it smells good. Then massage the breasts in a circular motion from the outer lower quadrant of the breast around & up, towards the lymph drainage under your armpit. This will encourage movement of lymph & cleansing of the tissue. This regular massage- be it daily or several times a week-will familiarize you fully with what is normal for your breasts. The breast massage affirms and contributes to the health of your breasts, while allowing you to know if something odd is happening with your breasts. You can do a breast self exam once a month also, as you wish.

Last but not least in breast self care is loving your breasts. This doesn’t mean PRETENDING to like the way they look. It means understanding that there is a wide range of normalcy in breasts and what is fashionable is not necessarily what is healthy or even desirable sexually. It also means acknowledging that our breast are like friends that we might love but not always like in every respect. Loving my breasts means I give them what they need to be healthy and accept them for what they are. They are now almost 49 years old and don’t look or act the same as when 21! My friend who lived in Africa told me that there women actually do brag about how long their breasts hang down and one is a truly great mother if you can carry your baby on your back and your breast reaches all the way over your shoulder so you can feed the child while digging roots, etc. This is surely a different story than here in America. We have to realize that it is just about stories and to love those we have for what they are. We can also do our part in educating others about the story where breasts are great for both milk and for loving and that aging breasts go along with the rest of becoming a wisewoman.

Women with specific breast concerns can often be helped with ayurveda. I had begun to form some fibrocystic areas in my breast, which have now almost disappeared, after practicing ayurveda for several years and adding in the breast massage. Please contact me for an appointment if you wish to explore how to reduce or get rid of fibrocystic breast syndrome (which ayurveda does consider a staging area for further problems) or to do other things promoting healthy breasts. Long distance phone consults possible.

--Terra Rafael

Excerpt from new book-Ayurveda for the Childbearing Years- "Ayurvedic Recipes and Cookbooks"

Making Ghee

Ghee is a rejuvenative for Pitta and soothing for Vata excess. It can be used for cooking since, unlike butter, it will not burn. It is considered a very pure food and is offered in ritual fires to feed the Divine.

Preparation Time: about 30 min
It works best to make ghee on a day that has clear skies- not cloudy
Makes about 2 cups.
-Vata, -Pitta, -Kapha

Use 1 pound organic sweet unsalted butter. Feel free to make more at a time if you want—it keeps very well

In a heavy medium saucepan, heat butter over medium heat. Continue to cook at medium-low heat. The butter will bubble & make bubbling sounds. When it is almost done, milk solids will collect on the bottom of the pan. When it is done, in about 15 to 20 minutes, the liquid will look clear and become very quiet. Quickly take it off the heat before the milk solids on the bottom of the pan burn, which it can do suddenly (if this happens the liquid will begin to foam again rapidly and the solids turn brown instead of golden). Cool slightly. Ghee is the clear golden liquid. Pour ghee through a metal strainer &/or cheese cloth into a very clean glass. Store at room temperature.

If you do not cook the ghee long enough, it can mold. If you cook it too long, it will let you know by burning. A touch of browning can add a nice flavor- but if it’s used for ritual purposes it should not be browned.

After making this once, you are likely to do it again & again, as it is simple and not nearly so difficult as the instructions make it out to be. Homemade ghee is pure & inexpensive compared to store-bought ghee.

Revised from Amadea Morningstar’s The Ayurvedic Cookbook

Making Kitcheree

To make plain kitcheree:
Wash thoroughly
½ cup split mung beans (soak overnight to increase digestibility & reduce cooking time),
1 cup basmati rice: ,
melt 1 Tablespoon ghee in a cooking pot
add spices: 1 tsp fresh ginger, ½ tsp each tumeric, powdered cumin & coriander ;
add rice, beans & 6 cups water, then bring to boil ,
turn down to simmer for at least 45 minutes or until mung beans are very soft
After cooking, add rock salt to taste. Sprinkle with chopped fresh cilantro, if desired.

You can make variations on kitcheree by adding different vegetables. See the cookbooks listed below for more ideas.



Making Agni Kindler

Agni kindler is to wake up the digestive enzymes of the stomach. Since it brings back the natural capacity is healthier for the system than relying on taking digestive enzymes. It is useful after sickness, when the appetite is low but eating is desired, or when there is a coated tongue.

For a day’s supply-
Peel about 1 inch of fresh ginger root and grate it into fine pieces
Sprinkle with about ¼ tsp of fresh lime juice
Add a pinch of unrefined salt

Take a big pinch of this mixture 15-20 minutes before each meal.

Making Takram

Takram is drink to help digestion & absorption, taken after meals.

Churn 2 tablespoons of fresh yogurt in ½ cup of pure water. You can shake it in a jar to accomplish this churning or use a blender. (The churning breaks up some of the heavy & slimy qualities of the yogurt. ) Then mix in ¼ tsp cumin powder.


Making Ojas drink : Almond Restorative Drink

This drink is important to build after a cleanse, before, during or after pregnancy to feed the ojas or underlying stamina and energy of the immune system.
Serves 1 , Sattvic ; V-P-K+

Soak together overnight:
10 raw almonds & 1 cup pure water
In the morning, drain off the water. Rub the skins off the almonds.
Bring to a boil:
1 cup milk (unhomogenized if possible) (milk is highly rejuvenative when digested)
Pour the milk in the blender w/ the drained & peeled almonds and :1 tablespoon organic rose petals (optional- rejuvenative), 1 tsp ghee (rejuvenative),1/32 tsp. saffron (increases digestion & rejuvenative),
1/8 tsp ground cardamom (increases digestion),pinch of black pepper (helps control the K),
½ tsp of sweetener (increases lactose digestion).
Blend until smooth.
Drink 3-4 times/ week as directed. Best done after panchakarma as part of rejuvenation.
Watch if any signs of excess mucous/kapha, if so, cut back.


Making Ojas drink: Non-dairy almond drinks

1. Use oat milk( if not gluten intolerant- then use almond milk) instead of cows milk. Oats are also rejuvenative, although not as strongly as cows milk.

2. Soak 20 raisins in 1 cup pure water overnight or several hours. Blend them together & use them instead of cow’s milk for a rejuvenative drink. Omit sweetener in this case since the raisins are sweet enough.

Ayurvedic Cookbooks

Touching Heaven-Tonic Postpartum Recipes by Ysha Oakes

Ayurvedic Cooking for Westerners, by Amadea Morningstar

EAT•TASTE•HEAL: An Ayurvedic Cookbook for Modern Living by Thomas Yarema, MD; Daniel Rhoda; and Chef Johnny Brannigan

Ayurvedic Cooking for Self Healing By Usha Lad & Dr Vasant Lad

The Ayurvedic Cookbook by Amadea Morningstar with Urmala Desai

A Life of Balance by Maya Tiwari

Journey to Letting Go

It’s an overcast day. The edge of my skin tightens where the cool fall air touches it. I’m walking on a path I’ve walked before, not far from where I live. It is called Gregory Canyon by white people. This is where I first came to know the poison hemlock plant. There is a creek here, barely trickling in this season. The dry crackling of branches and grasses rattles with my footsteps as I follow the path deeper into the woods. A brown bear is eating berries. She looks at me, knows that I am one of her own, and goes back to the berries, letting me pass unmolested.

As I approach the village it is unusually quiet. I come to a woman and ask her where I can find the Great Midwife. She looks at me and says, ”YOU are the Great Midwife now. It is YOU who are to help women give birth, care for the sick and help the dying on their journey to the other side.”

I am shocked. What can she mean? I follow her to a hut and stoop to enter the short doorway. A woman elder is lying on her sleeping mat, covered with a mound of blankets and furs. Her face is luminous, though her physical skin is darkened.
“Great Midwife, I am here to ask you about love.”

She slowly shakes her head, silently saying, “No”.
Then she gathers her strength to reply. “You must speak of death now. It is time. The seed of death is born when we begin to live in our mother’s womb. Mine has grown slowly and is now bearing fruit, like the bushes full of choke cherries.”
She pauses to breathe for awhile, tired by the efforts of her words.
“You must eat of my berries now so that you will be strong with what I have grown to become. You must care for my people. You are the one that can hear what to do.”

She nods at the woman attending to her and the woman reaches over to her, removes the bear claw necklace from around her neck and places it over my head, to hang now on my chest. Its heaviness would bear down on me, if not for the uplifting of my heart by the honor of receiving this sacred gift.

I kneel down beside her. “Grandmother, I am not ready. I cannot take your place.”

“You must. It is time.” She closes her eyes, her irregular breathing now the only sound.

When I reach into my bag for my gift to her, a thorn from the sprig of rose pricks my finger. I place the sprig on her chest, the one last blood red bloom from my garden. “May the spirit of the rose assist with this blessing.”

I quietly slip out of the hut to pray for her Spirit to have a swift and peaceful journey to the Eternal Summer; to ponder letting go and what this all means to me. As I walk away, I hear the keening begin.

Terra Rafael

(Although I intended to find out about love on this journey, the stars had a different purpose for me. This was the astrology of 15 September 2009 when it was written-
"Today is the final pass of the Saturn/Uranus opposition. It began last Sept. 08, then again in Feb. 09, and today it is completed.
At 6:50 AM (MDT), and all day, we are working with letting go of the old and receiving the new. Look at old patterns of thinking and behaving. Be really willing to let those ways dissolve and flow out of you, keeping your base of what works.
Then be open to the new and innovative ways of being that are ready to serve you and bring you into a more authentic way of being. "
From astrologer and writer Jyoti Wind, http://www.starshine-galaxy.com/)

Journey to Welcoming

Today I fly on my journey to the Great Midwife, walking through the air, landing on a beach. The smell of the ocean and the moistness, remind me of the tears and amniotic fluid of birthing. The sound of the waves, gently lapping on the shore, is a soothing rhythm behind the squawking of seabirds. I cross a place where a stream enters the water of the ocean, sinking in and mingling-sweet water and salty becoming one water. I know I am close to her village now. I see the men out with their boats, bringing in their morning catch.

I begin to hear children laughing. They run up to me, their tan bodies a study in movement – some dancing, some jumping, some standing as still as statues. A couple of them run up to me, saying, ”Aloha, Aloha. We didn’t know you were coming today! Will you play with us?”

“Yes, after I visit with Grandmother, I mean, Tutu.”

“OK!” They accompany me to Tutu’s place.

She is outside preparing food and hears us coming. She’s peeling mangos. Tutu gets up from her seat on the mat and stands. Her rounded, solid body opens up to hug me. She wears a sarong around her waist, exposing her grandmotherly breasts, which have nursed so many babies. “Aloha!”

After her warm hug, she motions me to sit in the refreshing shade of her mat. She pours me some coconut water to drink and hands me a leaf with some mango pieces on it- so ripe and sweet. “What may I do for you today, my child?”

“I am writing a book for midwives in my country. I want to share about welcoming and I know that this is your specialty for so many years. May I sit with you and hear your wisdom about welcoming?”

Tutu smiles at me. She has been midwife and healer to her village for many years and through this and her many meditations has learned about the welcoming way. “This is good. Welcoming is allowing and accepting your guest as who they are and what they must do. It is honoring the highest in them.
Welcoming is the heart of midwifery and having babies-- Welcoming the new one into your body; Welcoming the changes of growing with the baby; Welcoming the contractions of labor coming in their own time; Welcoming the new one’s way of entering this world; Welcoming the baby and the mother into the sisterhood of breastfeeding.“

She gets up, motioning me to wait in my place. She approaches the fragrant frangepani tree and th hibiscus growing nearby, singing to them as she plucks some of the blooms and places them lovingly in to her basket. She comes back to the mat, bringing thread and a needle made from a fish bone. She sits, singing a new song, as she nimbly threads the flowers into a lei.

She smiles at me when she is done and places the lei around my neck. “Aloha—welcome. May the waters of our lives always freely mingle. May the ways of welcome grow strong in all midwives, so that they may welcome the mothers and babies. In this way they will teach welcoming to their communities, smoothing the seasons of birth, life and death for them all.”

The flowers envelope me with their aroma, their beauty, and the love infused into them by the prayer-songs from the heart of Tutu. From the Aloha to the hug, the coconut water and mango, the wisdom passed on to me, the ritual of making the lei, and Tutu’s wise words, I feel blessed and part of the flow of Tutu and her world. “Thank you Tutu for your blessing, your beautiful flowers and your open heart. May you prosper and continue to pass on your wisdom to the generations.”

I reach into my bag to gift her with a sprig of roses from my own garden. She smells them and holds them to her heart.

As we say goodbye, starting towards the beach, the sounds of the children enter my ears again. They rush up to me, tugging me by the hands towards the water, laughing.

-Terra Rafael

Going to Meet the Great Midwife--an inner journey

It was windy, high up in a rocky, mountainous region. I hiked the final push over a high pass and came to the village of the Great Midwife. The children were wrapped in colorful shawls with hats on their heads to protect them from the wind. They gladly brought me to her home.

It was made of wood yet stacked into a circular shape, so that the wind could easily pass around it. No corners. As I entered the doorway, my eyes adjusted to the light of the fire. When she closed the door I felt contained and safe, protected from the harsh wind. Herbs were hung from the ceiling, around the edges of the room, like sentinels of peace.

The Great Midwife pinched off some dried leaves and flowers and poured hot water fomr a pot on the fire over them, making us some tea. We sat next to each other on the floor near the fire.

When I asked her about this book she smiled. Her bronze face, etched by the years and the elements, glowed with the light of her soul. She motioned me closer and leaned her forehead against mine, transmitting wisdom in an unspoken way. I felt it course through me to my heart and then out my writing hands. She showed me how to tap into her transmitted wisdom – a rose flower, a datura flower, or touching my thumb and forefinger into a circle.

I pulled some basil and a sprig of rose from my garden out of my bag and handed it to her as a thank you . Happy gratitude filled my heart as I said goodbye with a hug and left her round house. The wind had settled down and the children had unwrapped themselves to play more freely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Great Midwife speaks the language of metaphor, as dreams do. So while images and events can carry a literal meaning, they also carry a deeper meaning which may be translated slightly differently, according to the time and the translator.
As an example, I’ll share my interpretation of this journey. I did the journey very early in the morning. I’d awoken at 3:30 and couldn’t sleep, so crept down to my Womb Room to do the journey.
Wind and Rocky and thin air of a mountain pass = the Vata state of that time of day and my own imbalance.
The children under wrap = results of creativity were covered due to the unbalanced state.
Round house= the special nature of this person and the non-resistence yet unbending nature
Going into the dark = the unknown
With only the light of fire= elemental forces
Herbs hanging from the ceiling = plant allies participate
Smile=blessings on my book
Wrinkled face= wisdom of the years
Motioned me closer= I need to move towards her position
Leaned her forehead against mine= passing her wisdom non-verbally
Tapping into her wisdom with:
Rose= beauty, yet setting limits; my power plant
Datura=altering my state
Fingers in a circle= chin mudra, which I have used in meditation to maintain the energy
I give her:
Basil= fiery passion
Roses = sweetness and love, my power plant
Wind settle down=grounded again
Children unwrapped=creativity unleashed

After writing down this journey I easily went back to sleep.
-by Terra Rafael

We Are the Cloth of Love

Before her fingers stiffened too much with age, Grandma Johnson cross stitched the gingham cloth of her aprons and table cloths. She also made rugs from rags, tied together into long strands of recycled cloth and twisted into spiral ovals to protect our feet from cold linoleum. And to breathe more beauty into life.

I still touch that cloth that she decorated, pushing needle and thread through it with her flesh and bone hands. Even imagining that cloth fills me with the spirit of her love—her love of life, her love of beauty, and her love of us.

In this way, Grandma embroidered my life, breathing more beauty into me. May my words embroider you too with love. May my words, even though they, like the cloth, will eventually decay and be forgotten, pass on the love so that you too will manifest love through your own arts and crafts and daily acts, passing on love from hand to hand and heart to heart.
--by Terra Rafael

A Moment I Can't Forget

What I can’t forget is the feeling that I had the minutes between when my son’s head was born and his body came out. Even after hours of labor I thought—now I know why two heads are better than one. I felt our intertwined bodies wordlessly bridge the gap between our souls. Inside my tiredness, all I could do was laugh.

-by Terra rafael

Tattoo

Why would a 55 year old woman get a tattoo? It all began about 15 years ago when I got my first tattoo. As a midwife, I venerate the female cycles and the phases of woman-life often named Maiden, Mother, and Crone. A group of midwives in New Hampshire began a custom of tattoing the ankle to commemorate the initiations inherent in becoming a cycling woman; giving birth; and becoming a wisewoman at the end of cycling.

The Moon, symbol of feminine energy, with her own visible cycles, ruler of the fluids of the Earth, became our choice to symbolize the Woman power:
On getting the moonblood, menstrual cycle, a woman would gain a waxing moon symbol, which I chose to color white to symbolize the Maiden energy.
After giving birth the woman would adda a full moon symbol, which I painted red for the Mother. And after 13 moons of holding the wise blood inside at the end of menstruation a woman would add a waning moon symbol, which on my ankle is filled in with black for the Crone energy.

At that first tattoo session years ago, I had achieved the first two initiations. My friend Delta was also excited about this way to mark our allegiance to Woman power in a tangible way. She had a friend, who had a friend who did tattoos but didn’t have a studio yet. At this time tattoos were less common, more mysterious and a bit more fringe, so I thought nothing of submitting my self to someone who might not know what they were doing. I had faith. My tattoos were relatively small – only about ¾” square each. The ankle is a more painful place since it is so boney there and my current tattoo artist warned that they “don’t hold there.” But now, as those years ago, it wasn’t for ornamentation but for a marking of my passages.

We went to the friend’s house where several women huddled around the tattoo artist, gathered to scar themselves for life – but in a determined and meaningful way. Both Delta and I brought our preschoolers with us. When it was my turn to sit on the floor and be marked, my daughter Alana, sweetly held my hand. Tattoos definitely hurt as applied—but like the memory of childbirth, that pain quickly faded and I loved my symbols on my ankle.

So it was not a surprise when Alana got to be a teen and wanted her own tattoo. We tried to placate her with piercings on her belly and her ear. But she continued to want to express herself as, well, I , her mother, had. I wasn’t sure if a teenager could really determine what they might like for the rest of her life. Certainly that’s one reason the law currently prohibits tattoos on those younger than 18 without obvious parental permission. Tattoos are practically more permanent than marriage and more so than choosing a career. And some people, even at the beginning of the 21st century consider tattoos too pagan, too vulgar. As one man quoted in Dear Abbey just yesterday said, “...tattoos are not acceptable in polite society and are associated with gangs, drunken sailors, and other “low lifes”. I hoped my tender daughter would be spared such comments.

Eventually Alana turned 18 – and the same day got a tattoo with her birthday money. It’s on her foot—but on top, not the ankle like mine. And her’s is a beautiful tiger lily – another sort of symbol of strong, beautiful womanhood. Later she got another flower on her calf.

And eventually, a couple of years after the 13th moon of my baby cronehood, I knew it was time to get my waning moon tattoo. I asked Alana to join me and she decided to get her third tattoo also. For over a year she had been considering a design. Finally she created a 5 pointed metallic looking nautical star, overlaid by a 5 petalled flower with a Cancer astrological symbol in the middle. She couldn’t really articulate a meaning to me – but I see it as a merging of the masculine star with the feminine flower, centered in her emotional, watery self.

We scheduled our date with the tattoo artist Joe at Boulder Ink. It turned out that he decorated several people Alana knows, including a childhood friend. The small room held two tables and on the other table Joel worked his magic on the arm of a tattoo lover. I went first, signing the waiver and laying sideways on the massage table. Heavy metal music punctuated the air, vibrating almost in time with the buzzing tattoo machine as it pierced my skin so quickly it created a blur of pain. I flinched at the first piercing, down near to the bone. Alana held my hand again. This time she, the more experienced, guided me. She said, “Relax, Mom. Breath. Take a deep breath.....Let it be.” And it did help to let it be, to surrender to the chosen pain, just as I had counseled so many women in labor.

When it was Alana’s turn I was amazed at her ability to withstand the pain. Her new tattoo was on her hip, a bit meatier than my ankle but her tattoo was about 3” in diameter. When it was not me under the needles, the machine reminded me of my childhood snippy (or zippy) scissors, electric, buzzing, but perfectly safe for a child. Alana dispassionately lay while needled and we listened to wild yet somehow fascinating and vaguely brazen rantings by Joel. “Are you sister? Which one is older?. . . Scandanavian are you. . .have you heard the story about drinking wolf blood?” The masterful and creative drawings he’d done for tattoos were plastered all over the walls behind him, bringing grace to his comments.

Now I am nurturing my healing ankle, keeping it clean and moist so it will scar in the way that I choose to be scarred. It usually takes 2 weeks to complete the process. The ink will eventually fade, but maybe I’ll touch it up when I become a grandmother someday.

The Monthly Cronehood of the Menstrual Cycle

Practicing for Menopause during the Fertile Years.

The menstrual cycle contains the experiences of Maiden, Mother, & Crone within it. We can experience a mini- Cronehood when our premenstrual hormones plummet in those cycles in which pregnancy doesn’t occur. We empty of juice, being low in estrogen and progesterone, while filling with intuitive potential. These mini-Cronehoods, when fully experienced, can prepare us for the wisewoman, menopausal years and teach us about the power of Knowing.

What are the practices to help us prepare?

-First, be aware. Notice how your body, emotions, and mind react to this premenstrual time. If you are feeling to many symptoms, it is good to work on gently cleansing and supporting your liver. When the hormones are building up in your liver the detoxing that starts to occur premenstrual times can be more harsh---as they can during the menopausal stage as well.

-Take time for yourself. Yes, I know how difficult that can be. But it must be a priority. In this way you can increase your awareness of what is happening in your body and how to care for it. You don’t need to take the whole day off—just give yourself ½ hour a day to be free of responsibility to others. Moms can do this when kids are in bed—mornings &/or evenings.

-Pay extra attention to your inner promptings. It could be your dreams. or your intuition might be telling you what to do.

-Practice letting go. This time in your cycle is excellent for getting rid of what is no longer living for you. At the same time, value your menstrual cycles-someday they will be gone.

by Terra Rafael

Natural Fertility Enhancement

Natural Fertility Enhancement Protocol- WiseWomanhood

Stress Reduction
-Lifestyle evaluation
-Self massage techniques
-Meditation techniques
-Yoga/exercise guidelines and support

Weight Normalization- Best begun before actual trying to conceive
-Body type evaluation
-Dietary & exercise recommendations
-Herbal support for digestion and metabolism

Western Herbs
Vitex agnus-castus. Vitex, Monk’s pepper, Chaste berry.
-Great for women in their 40’s who want regular ovulation. Tends to affect pineal and pituitary glands.
Fairly slow-acting, generally large doses. Tincture more cost-effective. Take 1 dropperful 4 times a day, for 2-3-4 years. Many women do feel it helps within 6 weeks. You should see an improvement by 4 months.
· Trifolium pratense—Red Clover
-one of the most pro-fertility herbs. All 4 hormone groups present. Works on human endocrine glands and provides basic building blocks. Helps with fertile mucus production. Infusion also mineral-rich.. Make quart of strong infusion and drink 2 mugs a day.

Female Tonic—RainForest Remedies from Arvigo Institute
-Blend of traditional Maya herbs used to cleanse and nourish the womb and female organs:
-Take according to Terra’s directions, for your particular situation- wrong use may be counter productive

Menstrual Cycle Nourishment – adapted from Shelley Torgrove’s handout
Herbs & internal processes to support the cycle. May not all be appropriate if doing Assisted Reproductive Technologies—check with Terra
Ex. When women live more outdoors without artificial light—women ovulate at full moon and bleed on new moon. Getting woman hooked with the moon cycle will tap into this natural regularity of the moon.
· Phase : Menses 1-7 days Bleeding Phase
New moon – time of letting go—inward & introspective visioning, dreamtime
A wide variability of amount & quality of blood can be considered normal. When starts or ends with old brown clots – old endometrial tissue not released last cycle.
Hormones - All hormones low, around day 4 pituitary starts pulsing Follicle Stimulating Hormone FSH so the ovaries start stimulating the eggs to begin developing.
Self nourishing – resting, warm clothes, baths; drawing; writing; new cycle—clean slate
Wear Red. Cloth menstrual pads—tampons work against the natural flow. If no periods—hook into the moon cycle to go through the cycle of nourishment.
Nutrition - Iron rich dark leafy greens, miso soup with ginger (helps w/ spasms), diluted carrot juice w/ parsley (if lots of clots in menses—seems to thin out clotting), mineral rich sea weeds—kelp , kombu, nori; light eating to avoid congestion of belly
Nourishing herbs – nettle infusion w/ black strap molasses, fresh ginger decoction or compresses, clary sage essential oil: low doses = antispasmodic; high doses = euphoric antidepressant
(2-10 drops for euphoric bath; with equal parts jasmine)
· Phase: Follicular days 5 – 14 or 15 Building phase
Waxing moon
Open strong grounded
Hormones: Eggs ripening in the ovaries—both ovaries ripen and produce estrogen. Causes endometrium to become thick & rich and fertile mucous in the cervix. Stimulating effect—creation energy
Self nourishing—journaling, giving voice to what is building & growing
Exercise, building new projects
Nourishing foods to build= lean animal or vegie proteins; raw almond butter; fresh flax seed oils, raw seeds
Herbs = estrogen balancing : dong quai, black cohosh, red clover
· Phase: Ovulation day 12- 16
Full moon – triggers pineal gland (can use night light) that stimulates the pituitary to stimulate ovulation (sleep in dark except during ovulation phase for lunaception)
(Many hormonal reactions to light is on skin, not necessarily the eyes.)
Peak of aliveness, senses more acute, heightened sexual energy & creativity
Determine ovulation backwards about 12-14 days from the beginning of the next menses or use BBT to see temperature shift indicating ovulation is occurring .(Each woman has her standard luteal phase length until perimenopause begins, when it begins to be more variable.)
Hormones - Dominant follicle produces lots of estrogen; pituitary reads it in blood= egg is ripe and sends out Lutenizing Hormone Surge. LH causes egg to be released by ovary and goes into upper 1/3 of fallopian tube. Follicle sac closes and becomes corpus luteum which produces progesterone. Egg only lives one day –If egg not fertilized, then reabsorbed. If fertilized – goes to uterus & implants.
Self nourishing—chart cervical mucous, watch ovulation signs: Justisse Method of Cycle Sense (avail. from Terra) OR Take charge of your Fertility by Toni Wechsler . Let your prayers go the the Source, letting them go for fruition.
Nutrition: Rising estrogen can deplete B vitamins – if cranky get more brown rice, dark leafy, miso, B complex (vata apana prana syndrome)
Foods- pomegranates = ancient fertility food , red: eggs= B vitamin rich food, nutritional yeast
Herbs – high vitamin & mineral teas—red clover, nettles, calendula, oatstraw
Ovulation pain- ginger root, cramp bark, acute dosing patterns black cohosh

· Phase: Luteal phase 16-28 days Proliferation & implantation or premenstrual
Waning moon
Moving inward, change & prepare for possible pregnancy or menses
Hormone -If cycle discomfort—in luteal phase – pms
Liver breaks down excess hormones & balances blood sugar- if symptoms then need to cleanse and support liver.
Progesterone for about 14 days after ovulation by corpus luteum – sometimes shorter Thickens & supports the uterine lining w/ blood vessels, in case pregnancy is happening.
Self nourishing – complete projects, afternoon alone, in nature, meditating, going inward activities
Nutrition -Food—grounding blood sugar stabilizing=- roasted root veggies, beets, sweet potatoes, burdock root, toasted kelp or nori mixed with toasted ground sesame seeds
Calcium mag rich foods—10 days premenstrual need more CA/ MG – add green foods, oatstraw
Proteins help balance blood sugars; keep it balanced
Sweet nourishing – mochi, sweet potatoes, white miso, steamed apples
Sensitive to nutrient deficiencies at this time
Herbs = liver herbs – roasted dandelion, dandelion, burdock, Oregon grape, yellow dock
Nervous system support herbs= lemon balm, oatstraw, linden blossom

Fertility Foods
· All aphrodisiacs are rich in minerals: oysters, mussels, lobster, chocolate, etc.
Fat is the most important thing for female fertility. Cholesterol is a basic building block of hormones. Low-fat diets are a bad idea for women. Small amount of animal products is necessary to the diet, used as seasoning. If you eat animals you affect how they are treated. Vote with your dollars & demand quality.
-Vegetable oils are bad for fertility. High in omega-6’s and easily go rancid.
-Olive oil is great; olive is a fruit. Coconut oil, Ghee, & Butter are good.
-All wild foods contain omega-3 fatty acids.
-Fish oil may be better than flax for those whose heritage is from sea coasts—their physiology may not have a strong pathway for converting the flax. Flax goes rancid VERY quickly—best is to grind the seeds fresh daily to eat.
-Evening primrose oil helps with fertile mucus production-follow directions on bottle.

Ayurvedic Preparation
• Before becoming pregnant, especially if there are concerns about fertility, Panchakarma is recommended. This consists of external and internal oiling, hot baths or steam, medicated oils and decoctions of herbs in enemas, induced purgation whenever indicated. PK is followed by a month of rejuvenation with diet, herbs, lifestyle practices
• The generic preparations like Chyavanprasha, Brahmi Ghrita, and Agatsya Haritaki Avaleha are prescribed for the gain and maintenance of the strength and vigor.
• To avoid infertility, it is important for the woman to have a normal menstrual cycle, supported by following menstrual health guidelines (see upcoming post).


Fertility Awareness-
Charting the cycle will give good information about ovulation and any hormonal imbalances
Tuning in to her body helps the woman connect to her feminine reproductive & intuitive nature

Maya Abdominal Massage
Helps properly position the uterus to allow for sperm to meet egg,
Stimulate circulation & healthy functioning of the ovaries for better hormonal communications and development of follicle/eggs and fertile mucous.
Stimulate circulation and health of uterus to have healthier lining, better fertile mucous production
Helps get in touch with female organs and intuitive nature

Moxa
Can be helpful to help reduce coldness & dampness (K) in the reproductive organs

Saltwater Footbaths & Hot Water Bottle & Herbal Sitzbaths
Helpful if poor circulation in pelvic area, cold & dryness (V) in reproductive

Vaginal Steams-(when not trying for pregnancy that cycle)
To cleanse uterus before menses
To warm a cold pelvic area

Psycho-Spiritual Fertility Helps
Whole Person Fertility Program by Niravi Payne – This book delves into clearing psychological blocks to fertility.
Make a Baby Altar, with things on it that symbolize the baby you wish to attract to your family. This is great to do with your partner.
Sing to your body, your baby-to-come—ask me for songs or make your own
Wear a Fertility Necklace or Bracelet to symbolize your commitment to becoming pregnant.
Pray.


by Terra Rafael, WiseWomanhood Holistic Women's Health
Ayurveda – Maya Abdominal Massage~ Fertility Awareness~Energy Work
wisewomanhood@gmail.com
720.628.5015

Poem - Prehistoric Gratitude

the chirping chant of late summer bugs
vibrating on the cool air of bedtime
touches me, from ear to soul.
their two note ecstasy of evening
opens up a prehistoric gratitude
for another day of enjoying life on Mother Earth.

-Terra Rafael

The Best Song in My Life

The best song in my life is the one the angels sang when I first saw my Victor with the eyes of love. They still sing it regularly – and it still can’t be sung by anyone with less than an angelic voice. It frames his face with a halo when I look at him, even which he’s being a jerk.

Poem - Random Wings

The colony of Death
sleeps, well hidden and upside down,
in the cavern during the daylight of daily life.
The hordes of flying forms usually spiral up and swarm out at twilight.
Yet, random wings might emerge
anytime
to tune in to the fluttering of our lives,
eating the juicy moth of our existence.
The balance of nature,
recycling our bodies into
the sweet smell of guano,
strong flapping of amazingly articulated wings,
body merging back into the world
within which
we too once ate and shat.
does the spirit thus set free
soar more easily
when we see death coming straight at us?
or shall we hope for annihilation from behind our backs, in the bliss of ignorance?

by Terra Rafael

Poem - Save the Children

“for a taste of how she lives, try eating your neighbors’ garbage.
Tina eats what other people throw away –
vegetable peelings, an apple core, a moldy piece of bread.
Where she lives, 7 out of 10 children suffer from malnutrition.
Their parents, although they work hard, can’t provide the barest needs…” (magazine ad)

my womb is the size of my fist is the
size of my heart
my womb could expand with a child if
an egg were incited.
they say there are too many children
& that’s why they’re starving,
too weak for crying.

my womb is the size of my fist is the
size of my heart
my fist becomes pregnant with anger & ripe
for a revolution when I know it’s
greed that leaves people hungry,
people dying.

my womb is the size of my fist is the
size of my heart
And my heart grows to bursting with caring
that children are sick because
rich men are not sharing.

-by Terra Rafael
all rights reserved

Patience with the Process - Excerpt from Giving Birth to Ourselves, contemplations for midwives

Babies do not usually pop out at once. Expulsion is a gradual process of descending and retreating which allows all involved to mold and stretch for minimum trauma. We let parents know that this is part of the normal flow of labor, not a problem.

Our selves do the same as we are born and reborn in so many ways. We may show our new found qualities to the world, only for them to disappear again for a while. We may despair of ever making it out all the way - and yet the baby will always be born. We need to remind ourselves that relapses are a normal part of personal growth. Each retreat is a chance to relax, reassess, renew and find our way out with more appreciation for the process.

Contemplations--

• How do I react to relapses into old behavior patterns?
• Can I distinguish between choosing to do something in a new context and doing the same thing out of unconscious habit?
• Do relapses into old behavior patterns bring on fear of being trapped in the past?
• Am I willing to see my growth as a process rather than an all or nothing situation?
• Am I willing to promptly admit when I relapse and work with it?

Activities--

* When a relapse occurs affirmations can be a helpful reminder to break the old behavior pattern. Examples
“I can fulfill my needs by conscious choice rather than by habit."
“I’m willing to change."
"I'm beginning to change."
"Relapses are part of the process."
"Life is a spiral - I'm in the same place & a different place at the same time. Now I can choose."

* Pay attention to your thoughts during a relapse & how they may feed self punishment. Write them down. Say them out loud (in privacy or with someone who will not be brutalized by hearing them). Examine them carefully for their truths and untruths.


--by Terra Rafael
excerpt from Giving Birth to Ourselves, contemplations for midwives, 2009
available from lulu.com

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/giving-birth-to-ourselves-2nd-edition/7233381

In The Night

I would hear his footsteps approaching me in the night. Lying there, I'd pretend that I was asleep, stomach clenched, muscles taut with anxiety-- an innocent fawn caught in the inappropriate headlight-gaze of his eyes. I kept my eyes closed hoping to make my uncle disappear, but he pressed himself against the boundaries of my skin. I learned to leave my body.

Over fifty years later, I still sometimes wake in the night. Are those sounds my stepson creeping around downstairs? Or is it a burglar stealing my laptop, along with all of my writings and my purse with my identity in it?

Then I consider how I was duped by Facebook. I just found out that what I post there belongs to Facebook forever- even if I quit Facebook and delete my page. They can use is as they will. My pictures. My essays. My poems. Anger at unseen faces, those people who make policies hidden in a dark wall of legalese. But we all just click “Agree”, still in the dark, so that we can play with all the others on-line.

Tired of thoughts spinning through my head and fear and anger roiling in my gut, I get up and go downstairs to survey the damage wrought by the burglar—or not. I turn on the light. Everything is safely in its place. I sit down and pick up my pen to write this in my journal.
--by Terra Rafael

Plagued by "Female Problems?"

The Women’s Movement freed women to participate more fully in the world. But it hasn’t freed women from a secret shackle—“female problems”. Menstrual difficulties and other problems associated with women’s special anatomy and physiology may plague women even more today than in the days of our grandmothers. Our active lifestyles, work stress, eating on the run, and lack of deep relaxation add up to increased probability of PMS, menstrual cramps, irregular cycles, abnormal pap smears, fertility problems, pregnancy complications, and perimenopausal discomforts.

Luckily, we don’t need to turn back the clock or rely only on questionable medications to care for our feminine core. We can soothe it and allow for healthy functioning using lifestyle, diet, massage & herbs. A history & physical evaluation with a holistic practitioner helps map out a plan of action & care to bring the uterus and the whole woman into balance again.

Ayurveda, the “Science of Life” is an ancient healing system from India. For “female problems” it offers basic information on proper self care during the times when women’s bodies are vulnerable. Suitable diet, digestion & herbs for the woman can support the nervous system for better resilience under stress, as well as directly feed the reproductive system. Pulse reading tunes in to the subtle, early conditions of imbalance and allows for treatment in subtle ways before they solidify into denser forms, such as cysts, fibroids, or endometriosis. With more advanced problems healing may require more time and stronger therapies. Through various techniques & teachings, Ayurvedic work heals deeply.

Maya Abdominal Massage offers great relief for many women, sometimes bringing menstrual relief after only one therapy session. Self massage techniques are taught to do regularly, between sessions. This adds impetus for better uterine positioning, greater circulation, lymphatic cleansing, and optimization of herbal therapies and the body’s own hormonal messages. Maya Massage also helps release traumas and emotions stored in the pelvic-abdominal region that may restrict healthy flow & function.

Through such holistic techniques “female problems” need not be part of the legacy of women’s greater role in the world.
--by Terra Rafael

A Birth Poem

The quick red fox crossed my path on the way to your birth.
He held his dinner in his mouth -the leg of a deer –
no doubt stolen from the mountain lion's kill.
Your parents hungered for you. They had to stop running
to let you catch up to them.
When you came to grow in your mother, she shared all she ate with you.
She learned to eat & eat & eat.
You birthed slowly at first, slyly finding a way down the trail your mother blazed for you with her strength & courage.
Then - you were suddenly here - long & lean & learning to breathe.
We sang your eyes open.
--by Terra Rafael
You seemed captive by so many of us surrounding you,
so we left you to rest in the arms of your mother & father.
Then you were peaceful.
They welcomed you to your mountain home & their hearts.
And the sunrise blazed red across the sky to bring you newborn light.

Memoir- Grandma's Wood Stove

Real fire cooked the food I ate. My Grandma Moan had a big cast iron wood stove in her kitchen. It radiated warmth in the winter so I loved sitting close by. Looking down into the round holes that are usually covered with their metal covers was fascinating to me – seeing the glowing hot embers that made the even heat to bake with was magic. The special silver wound handle used to lift off that metal cover by fitting into the notch and leveraging it out was exotic.

My Grandma chopped her own wood. Even when she was past 80 years old. She was tiny but powerful. As a child I was almost her height. She endeared us to her even more by the “hole” cookies she always offered us. They were simple sugar cookies cut out with a doughnut cookie cutter and sprinkled with sugar so that they sparkled a bit. They came from that magical wood stove.

The table nearby was covered with a checkered oil cloth table cloth. We'd sit there, cozy by the fire, on a cold morning when we were visiting, eating some cream of wheat. Later in the day we'd play Old Maid or Slap Jack with our Aunt Edna, a real old maid, who lived her whole life with Grandma, until Grandma died. Edna had been crippled by being hit by a car. Her left hand was limp and her leg never worked the same after that. But she always made me laugh when she would make her hand into a spider that crawled up my arm, tickling, while her dark eyes twinkled.
---by Terra Rafael

The Story of My Name

Originally my name was TERRY MOAN. I was named “Terry” by my father, after a movie star of that era. “Moan” came to our family when my father's parents arrived from Norway. My grandfather's name was Peter Petersson, following the Scandanavian custom of the last name being after the father's first name, Peter. His sister would be Pettersdotter. When being processed by immigration, some anonymous bureaucrat decided that there were too many Peterssons arriving and another name should be taken. “Moan” was the name of the Norwegian village they had lived near. This cruel person led these innocent people, who didn't speak English, to take such a sad name – moan. We always pronounced it mo-en. But, of course, most would say moan, as in “a moaning sound.” My only childhood nickname was “moan & groan.”

“Terry” didn't please me. It was really a boys' name. In the second grade, when I moved to a new school, the teacher even gave me a boy's chore, thinking from my name that I was a boy. That clenched it.

Arriving in Colorado after college, I decided it was a great time to change my name. I contemplated what I wanted. It only was a shift of a letter “y” to a softer sounding “a” and “Terra” felt more like myself. “The earth,” it's meaning, grounded me and connected me more to the natural world. I liked “Terra”, both as meaning and sound. It wasn't a legal change, just for daily use.

A few years later I married Gilles Palmarini, cutie Frenchman. My name changed at the courthouse where we tied the knot-- now I was legally TERRY MOAN PALMARINI.( They wouldn't let me legally change my first name with the marriage.) 'Palmarini' originated in Italy, when one of Gilles' ancestors received palms as an honor from the Pope. “Terra” and “Palmarini” went together so nicely – I liked sounding Italian. The knot of our marriage unraveled in about 5 years. I kept the name.

When I met and decided to marry Charlie Richardson I considered keeping the name of “Palmarini” but realized that I didn't want to be rude to Charlie. When we married, we went the common law route. I ended up later legally changing my name in court to TERRA PALMARINI RICHARDSON. I often used both last names and many people assumed that “Palmarini” was my birth name. In this way my name still had a common thread with my young son, Julien Palmarini.

So, by this time my name had morphed several times. One of my friends, a few years older than me, changed her name at 50 years old to a final, self determined form. She too had changed her name several times over a life of marriages and divorces. The idea appealed to me - to mark the stability of maturity and menopause with a name never to change again. I wondered how Charlie would react to this, when the time came.

It turned out, our marriage ended in the year of my 50th birthday. When our divorce was finalized the judge allowed me to change my name to TERRA RAFAEL. How did I choose “Rafael”? It came from talking with my Maya healing teacher from Belize, Miss Beatrice. She told me about the Archangel Rafael, who protects healers, the mentally ill, travelers, and is also the patron saint of happy marriages. Sounded like this Archangel covered several of my bases. “Rafael” translated from Hebrew means “God has healed.” I consider my name, Terra Rafael, a prayer, repeated over & over by many voices, a prayer for the healing of the Earth as well as for my personal well being.
--by Terra Rafael

My Future Epitaph

Terra Rafael
She came to be alive.
She came to live love.
She came to live beauty.
She came to share.
She came to die well.

Dragonflies

Dragonflies are everywhere today. The air is unusually lively with their wings whirring through the watery landscape, where my office looks out into trees and down into the creek. Mindy and I watch in wonder. She's been trying to get pregnant for a year, suffering more than one miscarriage along the way.
“This reminds me of my dragonfly encounter in Belize. Studying Maya Spiritual Healing, we'd take a break for lunch on the flower draped veranda and then go lounge in the peaceful, cool river to counteract the heat of midday. That river was so safe, so clear & refreshing. We would stand, chest deep in the water, relaxing & communing with nature.
One day while in the river, a pair of dragonflies landed on my shoulder. They were mating – something I'd never observed before. They bent their bottoms together, creating a heart-shaped coital position. They stayed together for at least half and hour, doing their heart tantra all the while.”
“That's amazing,”Mindy replies, as she turns towards me, “but to get back to my purpose for being here: Do you think that I'm pregnant now? That I will have a successful pregnancy?”
As Mindy speaks, I look beyond her, out of the window. There's a pair of dragonflies mating on the window, making a heart of fertility right now, right next to Mindy.
“Turn around Mindy and see what the dragonflies have to tell you.”
-by Terra Rafael

Poem - Power of Animal

At night
I open my window to the moonlight,
to hear the coyotes calling
across the divides of suburbia
from their open space.
Then I open more and can hear Birth sounds calling,
familiar echoes that our grandmothers heard too.
That indigenous power
strains against the edges of civilization,
against the measured landscape of a misogynist culture.
Some fear that wild animal
who walks in the dark
to the song of Her own breath and moans-
who freely gives life to Her child, body and soul,
by the strength of Her in-born hormonal nectar,
well-fed uterine muscles, and
untamed woman's instinct.
--by Terra Rafael

Seeking Refuge

Whenever I open my computer now, a tropical paradise appears before my eyes. It’s from Honaunau on the Big Island. The hard, black volcanic rocks are softened by the ocean waters, the palm trees that sway, and the indigenous human creations there. It’s not just beautiful. It’s a place of refuge.

This place was a royal sacred site. The fierce totems carved from trees stand guard, warning commoners to stay away. The Hawaiian society had strict kapu or taboos, enforced by a hastily dispatched death sentence. This served to maintain their social structure. It must have created a climate of fear.

Yet Honaunau was also a place of refuge. If someone who broke kapu could make it to the Kahunas, or spiritual chiefs, on this peninsula without being caught, they escaped the punishment of death, purified and forgiven through the Kahunas’ powerful rituals.

Seeing the picture of Honaunau reminds me that I, too, can seek refuge when the taboos of society or of my own mind condemn me.

Open hearted love is the sweetest place of refuge and service is its pathway. But it’s not easy to access from a place of fear or self condemnation.

It could be reached by going to a place of refuge here in Colorado: the mountains, the creek, my garden, my church, my bedroom. These places revivify my spirit with their inherent or accumulated grace. Just being there fills me with that grace, wellspring of forgiveness and peace.

I can also seek refuge in Great Beings, the super Kahunas of my spiritual world: Jesus Christ, Krishna, Our Lady of Guadelupe, Ix Chel the Maya Moon Goddess, and Archangel Rafael. I invoke their love and guidance through prayer and ritual. They protect me from the ravages of the human.

They clear the path for me to arrive at the deepest, most powerful refuge: Oneness with Mother Father God. Meditation is the path which they have cleared. It leads me to the Source, The Oneness where all is forgiven, all is released, all is renewed. Here the ravages of being human die and the spirit rises again.

The challenge is to escape the grip of fear and doubting, the voices of discouragement and the spell of distraction so that I can remember my way again to the place of refuge.

Where to you seek refuge?

--by Terra Rafael

Poem- past winters & winters there are springs & springs again

spring – my juices rise from the
sunken winter dream.
I green in the sun.
rain, a clean lover, gently
shivers me to full treehood
to some branching, budding buddhahood.
to some fragrance that is whispering softly to all
in a love that only gives & gives.

come, sip my nectar, let me slide wetly & fresh
down your throat & be a clear blue sky there
a song like the unfurling of furry buds into leaves,
a song that does not give up singing
forever again spring-

--Terra Rafael